Who Said Jokes Were Worthless?
by Jish
Summary: Stan throws Kyle a surprise party for his sixteenth birthday. He gets a gift as just a joke, and it ends up being quite useful. SLASH! BOY x BOY. RATED M FOR A REASON. Complete.


**Disclaimer: I do not in ANY WAY own South Park. **

**Warning: This is a BOY x BOY sex story.**

**A/N: This is my first story in a very long time. This idea just suddenly came to me and I had to write a story about it. I just happened to pick South Park because it is somewhat believable with that series' humor. **

**Here it is:**

**Who Said Jokes Were Worthless?**

"WOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH"

I blow out the candles on the cake in front of me. I didn't even know this was going to happen. All of my friends, excluding Cartman, threw me a surprise party for my sixteenth birthday. My gifts have already been opened. I got a few games, a gift card, and the entire DVD set of my favorite television show.

I open my eyes and see the smoke from the candles almost gone. The smell is still in the air. It's been so long since I was at a party, and it makes me feel really awesome that my friends care about me. It makes me feel like I have some purpose.

Everyone claps, and I just smile because I am too happy right now. Stan comes up to me to give me a hug. He then goes to the cake and starts cutting it for everyone.

Let's see who is here. Stan, Kenny, Butters, Craig, and Tweek are all here. It's a small party because Stan threw it without his parents' permission.

He passes out the cake, and he gives me an extra-large slice because it's my birthday. I start eating, and it tastes awful! I struggle to swallow it. I look at everyone and their faces speak for themselves.

"What? I made this cake myself! It's not bad!" Stan said, about to take a bite. He puts the cake into his mouth and then gets a tear in his eye.

"Fucking gross! What the hell did I do to this cake?" Stan wonders, confused and amused at the same time.

We all take a good laugh. Suddenly, Kenny and Craig go to Craig's bag to get out a nicely wrapped gift.

"An extra surprise from us!" Craig says. I look at Stan, and he shrugs.

I take the box, and I shake it. It doesn't rattle. I unwrap it, and it's a plain white box. I smile, because I am so curious about what it could be.

I open the box, and pull out the package. I look at it and blush immediately.

_ULTRA REALISTIC PERSONAL PLEASURE ENHANCER_ is written in large letters. The item is pink and penis-shaped.

"Why did you guys get this?" I say and hide the anger and fear in my voice.

"It's a joke. We just thought it'd be funny. You're not laughing though." Craig said with somewhat a frown.

"So you don't think I'm gay or anything? I mean, I know I haven't ever had a girlfriend." I say, all these images of what I could be doing with that dildo in my head.

"No, of course not. Are you? You're getting a bit worked up over this." Craig asks, worried.

"No, no. I just overreacted. It is funny. I just never actually saw one in real life. Only once accidentally when I got a spam email." I say, calm now.

"Okay. Enjoy the gifts." Craig says. He comes up to give me a hug. Then follows Tweek, then Kenny, and then Butters doing the same. They all wave to Stan and leave saying "Happy Birthday" to me one last time.

Soon, only Stan and I are left. I had left the dildo on the table. I can't help but think I should come out soon. Yeah, I'm gay. I haven't told anyone. That dildo gives me some opportunity to try what I've been wanting to do for a long time.

"Dude. You've been staring at that thing since the guys left. Is there something you want to talk about?" Stan asks with care in his voice.

"Yeah. Stan, I'm just going to say it. Dude, I'm gay." I say, trying to keep a smile.

"I see. That's cool. Now you have something to play with!" He says and gives me a light punch in the shoulder.

This causes me to laugh. I can't believe he's this cool with it. I look at him and he gives me a smile. I can't help but smile back.

"You feel better?" He asks, with a hand on my shoulder.

"Yup. Thanks, Stan. You're a true friend. I guess it wasn't a worthless joke. It gave me the courage to come out to you." I say, and he walks over to the table to look at it.

"So…" He says, and I can tell he's thinking. "Are you …going to…use it?" He asks, and I blush.

"Truthfully, yeah. I don't think you want me to go into the specifics, though. You'll find it gross." I say, not wanting to make him feel weird.

"Wow. I never thought someone like you, all smart and pure, would use a thing like this." He says.

"To be honest, I never thought I would actually have one. I've been wanting one, but I'm not eighteen yet obviously." I say and look at my watch. I notice it's 6:28. I'm supposed to be home by 6:30 everyday!

"Fuck! Stan, I have to be home in two minutes. I have to go." I say and stuff the dildo in my backpack. I run up to him.

"Thanks for the party dude and for being so awesome. I have to run." I hug him and run with all of my might.

I get home and the door is already unlocked. I close the door and look at my watch. It is 6:30.55. I just barely made it home. I rush upstairs to my room, close the door and lock it, and take the dildo out of my backpack. I take my scissors from my desk and cut the plastic on the packaging. To be certain nobody finds the penis-shape, I cut it up into little parts so it's just plastic. I throw it away and look at the contents of the item. There's the dildo, a small bottle of lube, and a small piece of paper.

I look at the paper first. It's really funny. It is an instruction sheet.

_1._ _Get horny_

_2. Use artificial organ to pleasure until heart's content_

_3. Reuse again and again_

What the hell is this crap? Masturbating is an obvious task. It doesn't need fucking instructions that don't even mention lube. I put the 'instructions' away in my backpack in a garbage folder.

I pick up the dildo. It is very flexible, but dry. Lube is obvious. I realize that I'm all sweaty and dirty from today. It's Friday, so I don't need to pick my clothes up from the ground yet. I just throw them wherever in my room, and take a quick shower. In the shower, I focus on thoroughly cleaning the two areas I will be dealing with very soon.

I quickly go to my door, making sure it's still locked. I run to my desk, grab the dildo, and jump onto my bed. I have no idea where to start. I start to think. I know where! I'm going to go with what happens in my fantasies.

I grip the base with one hand, and start slapping my cheek with it. I can just imagine that it's a real dick touching me. I soon switch to the other cheek, feeling myself get hard. I start slapping my lips, and I anticipate the feel of a cock. I can feel my mouth fill up with spit. I continue slapping my lips with the cock, wanting to stroke myself.

I start to open my mouth and stick my tongue out a little. I can feel the head slap onto my tongue. It makes a sound that gets me even harder. I rub the head around on my tongue, and I can hear swishing of the saliva in my mouth.

I stop and look at the dildo. It's about 9 inches long, but I'm holding two. I can totally take seven inches. I imagine it to be Stan's cock because he's fucking hot and I have a huge crush on him.

I slap my tongue a few more times, and I can imagine Stan moaning. With my eyes closed, I start licking his cock. I start from the base and lick up the entire shaft and wrap my tongue around the head. I turn the dildo and keep doing this, making it super slick with spit.

I then put my mouth around his dick. I start to go really slowly. I take in the cock little my little. As I go, I breathe through my nose. My mouth is open really wide. In a minute or two, my mouth touches the base of my hand. I deepthroat all seven inches of Stan's cock. I start to pull out, and then go back in. I have Stan's cock start fucking my mouth. I reach for my cock and begin stroking. In less than a minute, I feel that I am about to cum. I stop stroking, and I slowly pull the cock out of my mouth. I look at it, and I see it is really lubed up.

I put two fingers on my mouth and get them all wet. I take them out and then put them at my hole. I outline my hole, and push them in. I've done this many times before, so I know that I'm already prepared for the cock. I quickly add some extra spit to the cock, and then I move the tip toward my ass.

I slowly push it in, and I moan. It feels so nice! It feels so right! I grab my own dick, and I start to stroke. I continue pushing the dick in, and I can imagine Stan in me right now. Soon, it's all in. I love this. It doesn't hurt at all. It feels as if it was made for my ass specifically. I pull out, and I push it back in. I pick up the speed.

In no time, I am fucking myself with the cock and I am stroking myself. I feel myself about to cum, and I keep going. The cum rushes up my dick, and my ass squeezes the cock. I feel my ass completely filled at moment. I shoot so hard that the cum hits me in my face and some lands in my open mouth. I swallow, and I savor the taste of cum. I stroke myself until I am soft, and I slowly pull the cock out of my ass.

I set it down next to me, and I savor the feelings of post-orgasm. I breathe hard for a minute or two. I open my eyes and stare at my ceiling fan.

I can't believe how good that felt. I had known I was a bottom since I knew I was gay. I know that what I just experienced is not even close to the pleasure I will feel when I actually get fucked.

I stare at my fan a little bit more. I jump when I hear my phone ring. I look and I see it is Stan.

"Hello?" I ask, my standard introduction whenever I answer the phone.

"Kyle, I hope I'm not interrupting anything but I forgot to ask. What was the math homework?" He asks, he sounds serious.

"It's not like you're going to do anytime soon. You'll probably wait until Sunday night like always, haha. But it was page 730 numbers two through forty evens-only." I say, having it memorized.

"Thanks Ky. Sorry if I interrupted something." Stan says. I think he wanted to interrupt something, to be honest.

"What do you think you would be interrupting?" I ask, playing with his mind.

"I don't know. You could have been watching a movie, playing a game, or using…you know…" He says, and I can hear in his voice that he is blushing.

"No, I actually finished doing that last thing a few minutes before you called." I say, with confidence.

"R-really?" He asks, and he is breathing hard. I bet he's getting pretty horny right now.

"Yup. It was great. I am so happy right now!" I say, genuinely happy.

"Are you being serious? Did it really feel good?" He asks, and he is really curious.

"I am being completely serious. Yes, it felt really good. Why?" I'm curious why he wants to know so much.

"Hearing how good it felt makes me want to try it." He says. I can't believe it! This may be my opportunity to tell him my feelings for him. I'm going to take it slow though.

"You can use your fingers, you know." I say, wanting to make him realize that he should go slowly.

"I have before. I was alright. I just didn't like the thought of myself inside of me. The thought of someone else or something else I like though." He says. That is actually really believable.

"If you really want to, you can come over. My parents and Ike left while I was doing it. This just so happens to be their vacation week. They asked me last week if I wanted to go, and I said no. They were originally going to go last week, but they wanted to be here for the morning of my birthday. I'm alone for a week. You're welcome to come over." I say, getting hard at the thought of Stan coming over.

"Really? I would love to! You mean it?" Stan says, honestly happy.

"Of course, dude. Just take a shower before you get here. You know why." I say, not wanting to go into detail.

"Of course. Thank you so much Kyle. I'll be over soon." He says and hangs up the phone.

I can't believe it. Stan is coming over. He's coming over to use a dildo. He's going to use my dildo. I have to wash it. But still! Next time I use it will be just like Stan's cock!

I go to my bathroom and first run the hot water. I rinse it first, and then I put some soap in it. I jerk it off to spread the soap, and I rinse it under that hot water. I do this a few more times to make sure it's clean. I dry it off with some paper towels. I set it on the desk next to the still unopened bottle of lube and quickly get the instructions out of my backpack. He will laugh at it.

A minute later, I hear a knock at my door. I quickly get a shirt and some boxers on. I run to the door and let Stan it. I can see his wet hair and that he is blushing.

"Come on!" I say and pull him up the stairs. We get to my room, and I take him to my desk. He sees it and unconsciously licks his lips.

"Dude, read this crap!" I say and hand him the instructions. He laughs so hard and falls to the ground.

"That's fucking stupid. Who wrote that?" He says and gets up. He takes off his shirt, shoes, socks, and pants. He leaves his underwear on and gets a worried face.

"Kyle, you sure you want to let me do this? I mean, it's yours. You don't have to." He says and blushes.

"Stan, of course I'll share it with you. I like you, a lot. You want this, and I want this." I say, not meaning to let it slip that I like him.

"You like me too?" He says and quickly puts his hand over his mouth.

"Yeah, I do. I imagined it was you in me, and that made it feel even better that it was supposed to be you." I say and step closer to him.

He pulls me into a kiss. He immediately licks my lips, but I leave them closed to get his saliva all over them. I pull away and lick it all away slowly. I see his dick start to get hard in his underwear.

He goes to pull them down and he goes to the bed. I grab the dildo and the lube and go to the bed with him.

"We'll go slow." I put two fingers up to his mouth. He takes them in and sucks on them slowly, and uses his tongue to get them all wet and slick. I pull them out when I feel that they're slick enough.

"Babe, spread your legs." He does a little. I rub his thighs to give him trust, and he smiles at me. He spreads them slowly.

"This is going to feel different because it's me. Remember, I won't hurt you. You're my best friend and my boyfriend." I say and kiss his thigh. He smiles.

I put the fingers at his hole. I start by rubbing it, but not penetrating yet. I spread it a little, and put a finger in the opening. I don't push it in, and I take it out. I start rubbing the area more.

"Oohh…" Stan moans. He's enjoying it!

I rub a little more. I spread it a little again and put a finger in the opening. I push it in a little this time.

"Ohh yeah Ky…" He moans, and he is extremely hard.

I push it in really slowly until the finger is in entirely. I then start putting the second one in. Once it's in, I look at him. He's smiling with his eyes closed.

"How is it babe?" I ask, not moving yet.

"It feels amazing. Can you move?" He asks, with a sincere look in his eye.

I move out a little, and then go back in.

"Ohhh…." He moans. I continue and pick up the pace. He continues to moan, and he reaches for his cock. He starts stroking it, and then he suddenly pulls away.

"Pull out. I'm about to cum." He says, and I do it.

"I want to cum with the dildo in me." Stan says with a smile.

"Of course! While that's happening, can I suck you off? I start you off with the dildo, and then you take over and I suck you and you cum in my mouth." I ask, almost knowing he will.

"If you want to, sure." He says. He looks at me, and he smiles.

"Stan, I think I love you. You've been my best friend for so long. I think I really love you." I say and he smiles really wide.

"I think I love you too. Kyle, can I use it on you after?" He asks, but I have a better idea.

"How about you fuck me after instead?" I ask, giving him my sexiest grin.

"Okay!" He says and gets up kiss me. He slips his tongue in and it's full of saliva. I wrap my lips around it and suck it all off. I let him go and get the dildo. Instead of using the lube, I use my own spit. I go slowly, making sure he watches me deepthroat seven inches. I look at his dick and it gets even harder.

I take it out of my mouth. However, I first lean into his hole. I stick my tongue out and lick at it. I push my tongue in a little and then remove it for the dildo. I put the dildo at the hole, and I push in slightly.

"Go Ky. I love it, it feels so nice." He says. I push in more, and soon all seven inches are in.

"Take control." I say, and he grabs it. I move over and get in a comfortable position where I can suck him off. He closes his eyes and starts fucking himself. I grab his cock, and I stroke it a bit. I lean in, and I sniff it. It smells really nice. I lick at it, and I savor it. It tastes like he took a piss before he left his house. Yummy!

I lick it all around, and a drop of precum comes out of the hole. I lick at it, and it's salty. I suck in the head, and I hear him moan. I deepthroat all eight inches of Stan's cock. I stay with it in my throat, and I try to swallow it. He moans, and I move my tongue around. I pull up, and then I go back down. I suck his cock, and I stroke my own at the same time. I look and I see that he's fucking himself really fast.

"Ky, I'm going to cum. Get ready!" I pull out just enough so that only the head is my mouth. I feel it suddenly fill with a warm, creamy liquid. I raise my head, and savor the taste before I swallow. I look at him, smile, and swallow slowly. I lick my lips, and he pulls the dildo out. I quickly go to his hole and stick my tongue in and tongue-fuck him. I soon stop, and grab his cock. I put it in my mouth and slobber all over it to get it nice and slick for my ass.

I have him get up and I quickly get on my back and spread my legs. I put the dildo and the bottle of lube on the stand next to me out of the way. He immediately comes over and starts going in slowly. Once he's in, he starts thrusting. He bends down and takes a lick at my cock while he's thrusting. He takes the head into his mouth and sucks me.

"Stan! I'm going to cum!" I say and I spew in his mouth. He keeps thrusting and he comes seconds later in me. I feel the warmth and I just about melt. He swallows my load and licks my cock clean. He pulls out of my ass and sticks his tongue in and fucks me with it. He gets next to me and I quickly do down to lick his cock clean. I go back up to him and smile.

"That was so awesome, Stan. Thank you. You filled my desires and made my fantasies come true and more. I love you." I say and I kiss him gently.

"I love you too. I never told you that I was gay, but it doesn't matter. I loved you then. I love you now. You love me too. And, it's only Friday. We still have two days to be together before school starts. I already told my mom that I may be staying over. She said that I don't have to call if I am." He says, and then he pulls me into a kiss.

I look over at the clock. It is, somehow, 11:40 PM.

"Goodnight, Stan, my love."

"Goodnight, Kyle. I love you too." He kisses me. I turn off the ceiling light with the remote.

He takes my hand and we fall asleep holding hands.

**THE END**


End file.
